Taking Back The Power Of Being Lonely

Photo taken by Noelle Wardian. Check out @noellewphotography for more.

Everyone is so afraid of being alone. Frankly, I was too at one point. The silence deafening, the empty space simultaneously making me feel so small but so claustrophobic. This feeling is a complete oxymoron, but to me, at the time it just made so much sense. 

In my junior year of high school, a snowstorm overtook Seattle, putting vehicles and transportation out of commission. My parents were out of town. The household felt especially empty that week. So for seven long days, I was stuck in Burien, Washington feeling like a damsel in distress, while all my other friends were enjoying the time off from school. 

The first four days were grueling misery as I was left to my own devices, which typically consisted of me mopping in my room overcome by an immense sense of ‘fomo’ and loneliness. I feel so alone, so empty inside I thought to myself. I covered my diary pages with pitiful sonnets that to this day leave me in dismay wondering who the hell that girl was.  

Even now, I do not recognize that girl. That girl chased parties. That girl stayed in a relationship due to a desperate desire to be loved and cared for. But in reality, she was manipulated and used. That girl surrounded herself with as many people as possible at all times, but still felt so alone. 

Thank god I am not her anymore.

Taking back the power of being lonely is the best thing I have ever done for myself. Now when I look in the mirror I recognize the face staring back at me, and if all else were to fail I am so glad I have her.